Overcoming Depression (Part Nine): Indecision

Jim liked his reputation as a leader. At work and in church people respected his opinions and sought his counsel. But in the privacy of his home things looked very different. His dark moods had caused him to put off decisions on everything from home repairs to disciplining his children. He feared his wife’s disapproval as well as the consequences of making wrong decisions. Most of all he felt he had no energy to invest in thinking things through and choosing a direction. He spent a lot of energy trying to avoid spending energy on decisions.

If you resemble Jim you should know that indecision does not mean you are “depressed.” It is simply one symptom that commonly accompanies people labeled that way. This can be a chicken-and-egg question. Were you feeling down and consequently had trouble making decisions or did you make decisions you are second-guessing, which causes you to feel down?

Some people in their weakness become paralyzed when faced with even minor decisions. They either hide from them or rely heavily on friends, family or even impulses to avoid the responsibility to make careful, analytical choices.

Whether your indecision is a chicken or an egg scenario, it is sometimes nice to have someone take your hand and walk you through the darkness. Let me do that briefly.

If you are a follower Christ I have simple hope to offer you. There is no reason to fear making decisions. God’s will is not a treasure found only by those who know the right tricks. It is not a shell game. The will of God is not something you look for. It is something you do (see another blog article on this subject).

Are you having trouble focusing and making decisions?

1.    You still have to make them. Not making a decision is still a decision (Joshua 24:14-15; 1 Kings 18:21; Luke 9:23). Here is an exercise (adapted from Paul Tripp’s book Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands, p. 250): Take a sheet of paper and make two columns with these headings: “Concerns” and “Responsibilities.” Make a very complete list. Decide to obey God in the matters that are your responsibility. You have a “to do” list for your decisions now. Under “concerns” you have a prayer list because those are the things you cannot control.

2.   You should avoid being controlled by fear, worry or anxiety over what others will think of your decisions (Matthew 6:34). Fear of man blinds your ability to make good choices and it proves to be a snare. What is most important in your decisions is not the way others will react but whether or not your actions please God. It is possible that the most popular decision you could make would be one that does not honor God. Make it your primary goal to please Him (2 Corinthians 5:9).

3.    You should be confident in God’s ability to give you what is good (James 1:6-8; 4:8). Your decisions are a reflection of your theology. The God of the Bible is both sovereign and good. His plans may be hard to endure, but they are for your good and His glory. If your goal is avoiding hardness you will need to find a parallel universe somewhere. If your aim is honoring God it is better to let Him determine the boundaries in which you will find maximum happiness. He is good, so what He does is good.

Ten articles in this series:

1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  10 

"Just Do It"

Adventure report: We had a nice downpour last night that thankfully settled the abundance of dust being kicked up at the intersection of Delmas 10 and Mackendal. Since the day had been so hot I went swimming with some of the “boys” during the deluge. We laughed, made big waves and raced the length of the very small pool. I even got to teach a swimming lesson. Funny how those casual relational times make the instructional times more relational.

I went through all of James chapter four with the guys yesterday. They have conferred on me the honorary title “Pastor Jacques” (which they pronounce with a laughing, growling, nasal tone: “Zhak”). We really do have fun learning together.

One of our discussions was about the will of God. So many of us were taught that it is our task to find God’s will, but then we bump up against the biblical use of that term. It is really only used two ways in Scripture: God’s decreed will and God’s moral will. James refers to both. The Eternal One has rarely let His people in on His decreed will. About the decreed will of God we do not pray, but submit:

Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.” Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.” But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. James 4:13-16

God’s moral will is not hidden. It is plainly laid out for us. About that we do not pray. No sense asking if it is God’s will for you to steal or murder someone. You know what He wants, so you act:

Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. James 4:17

So the point is that we waste a lot of energy worrying about God’s will when we ought to be doing God’s will. Pray for Him to make you like His Son, but don't expect mystical signs to help you make decisions. Don’t look for God’s will. Just do it.

"Let the thrill go—let it die away."

I am adapting this entry from my comments on a chapter in C. S. Lewis's Mere Christianity entitled "Christian Marriage." It is from a note I sent to our college-age young people in another blog (that you probably do not read). It primarily surrounds the urging of the unmarried (at that time) Lewis to contrast loving with being in love. The quote in the title above forms the basis for my comments.

First, by this statement Lewis combats “shacking up” and other forms of intentionally arousing sexual passion in someone to whom you are not married. People who believe they are “in love” may set aside responsibility because the feelings of being in love are so intense. People who love their boyfriend or girlfriend rather than being in love with them know that stirring passions that cannot be satisfied righteously is unloving. They should “let the thrill go” because they are dooming the future of something God created to be enjoyed in its proper context to a guilty pleasure. Lewis effectively illustrates with food. When we want the thrill without the responsibility, we are like bulimics who binge and purge to avoid the natural consequences of overeating. Sexual experimentation outside marriage is relational bulemia. It makes the “feast” of marriage a guilty pleasure instead of a motivation to bless the Lord who gave it to us.

Next, by this statement Lewis combats the divorce problem. The biblical teaching on marriage is not first and foremost good because it helps marriage. It is good because it is marriage that helps us see the relationship God has with his people. God is not “in love” with us. He loves us. And it is not being in love with someone that prepares you for the commitment required for a 50-year (lifetime) marriage. It is loving someone even when the original feeling has waned. Loving someone makes you to keep the contract and, yes, even savor the sweetness of the contract. People who love each other can have productive disagreements because they quarrel with a resolution in mind rather the end of the relationship. The idea of going their separate ways is off the table because they honor the contract more than they honor the thrill. People who are merely in love quarrel selfishly, fearing the loss of the feeling and the person who brings it.

Finally, by this statement Lewis combats the controversy over biblical marital roles. It is not the thrill of being in love that makes a man love and lead his wife or moves a wife to joyfully follow her husband. Loving headship and joyful submission are not for the benefit of the male sex but for the stability of the world that is founded on the family order. The thrill that Lewis says needs to die rarely produces situations that require loving leadership or joyful submission (please read that twice). For example, that young man who is such a good leader in deciding which movie to attend on Friday night should also be evaluated by the way he acts when he is required to inconvenience himself to serve others. That picture of feminine charm may look good on your arm at the movie theater or at a concert but what is her attitude when it is her turn to deal with screaming babies in the church nursery? This is why I urge young believers to identify potential mates by observing them in situations that require unselfish service and even stressful problem-solving. He needs to show his love by humbly accepting the responsibility that comes with leadership. She needs to love by joyfully serving under the authority of another. Some couples get along great so long as there are dating diversions to keep them from addressing real life. Long-term relationships run in orderly ways that transcend difficult relational trials because more is at stake than the thrill.

Pro-Life Emotions vs. Biblical Reasoning

On this the 35th anniversary of the Supreme Court's Roe v. Wade decision (January 22, 1973), I seek to write a blog entry that is biblically reasoned rather than emotionally charged. Presidential candidates from both parties are well aware that opinion polls can be swayed by a brief tirade during a presidential debate or by pithy soundbites that catch on in the media. An intelligent friend recently told me she would have a hard time voting for a guy with the name "Mitt." Trouble is, the same people who decided for you on a whim will decide against you when their mood ring changes color.

We pro-lifers are justly emotional when we consider what is at stake when a young woman chooses abortion. That's a baby! That's a vulnerable woman being pushed into a decision that will cause her to live with the equally unbearable baggage of a troubled or seared conscience. That's a barbaric procedure that is permitted in this land largely because cowards who know better are more interested in getting the feminist vote than in doing what is right.

But that is about as far as my emoting will go in this entry. You let that stuff go and people start thinking our hands are tied and we should do what we can to put an end to this unseen holocaust—lawfully or otherwise. After all, isn't an educated abortion provider more deserving of a fatal attack than an ignorant terrorist deceived into thinking his actions will bring him into the presence of 70 virgins?

Let me reframe the question before you answer that. Wouldn't we save a lot of tax dollars if we eliminated the court system and police forces and instead used the money to arm neighborhood militias?

Here's the point. There is no question that neighborhood militias could eliminate a lot of bad guys. But that is the kind of justice they have in Mogadishu. That is also the kind of justice which creates an atmosphere that makes churches and crisis pregnancy centers vulnerable to crazies who think they are above the law.

God designed a better way of dealing with evildoers. He gave governments the right to take life (Romans 13). He created an orderly pattern for governing a sin-cursed world that established guilt only on the testimony of two or three witnesses. The system isn't perfect, but it is still a human reflection of our orderly Creator.

Why do we find David on many occasions killing and plundering the enemies of Israel and on other occasions withholding his hand from real bad guys (1 Samuel 24-26)? The answer is not that complicated. David did a lot of killing, but he did it while he was either under authority or in authority (as king). Those who rebel against the law to kill, even while killing evildoers, are themselves evildoers.

Beware lest your emotions drive you to make choices you will later regret. That has happened too many times since 1973.

"Putting out the fleece," "peeking over the wall" or "stepping into the river"?

Many Christians encourage us to "put out the fleece," like Gideon did, when facing difficult decisions. Is this biblical?

Lucius,

I'm going with an emphatic "no" on that one. People spend more time looking for God's will than they spend doing God's will. Has God really been so silent that we must go looking for mystical signs of his plans for us?

Gideon's actions were not a sign of faith but a sign of unbelief. God had already told him what he was about to do: destroy the Midianites. When we look for still, small voices or intense urges or open doors we quickly neglect the things God has already said on the subject. The "still, small voice" that Elijah heard told him nothing new. It told him to get back to work where he should have been all the time. King David may have "felt led" to send for the bathing Bathsheba, but God had already made his will known in that regard from Mount Sinai. Yes, God did indulge Gideon when he put out his fleece, but does that make his story the Christian template for decision-making?

We are left with a couple of options:

1. Gideon’s actions with the fleece are a biblical prescription for “finding God’s will.”


2. Gideon’s actions are simply given to us as a historical record of a man’s theologically dubious means of expressing his lack of confidence in God.

If God has commanded, we need not ask for confirmation that he is able to keep his end of the deal if we obey. I know the Lord indulged such behavior in Gideon, Jacob ("take care of me and you get to be my God") and Thomas ("prove to me that the tomb is really empty"), but greatly rewarded people like the ark-bearers in the Jordan, Daniel, Shadrach, Meshech, Abednego and Peter for just jumping in at his command. Sometimes he acts in spite of our doubts, but I would not encourage people to doubt just because some people got away with it.

King David was also disobedient regarding Bathsheba and, from that union, God brought wise King Solomon. If God's blessing in the end legitimizes our sinful means, perhaps we should use David's example instead of Gideon's for decision-making. Maybe we could invent our own new cliché, reminiscent of the preservation of David’s kingly position. People struggling in marriage could testify in church that they are just “peeking over the wall” to find God's will for their marriage. That form of sinful unbelief could be the means God uses to save their marriage like he prospered David following the sin with Bathsheba. (Please note the tongue firmly planted in my cheek.)

The only circumstance I can remember where there is biblical encouragement for putting God to the test is when he invites us to obey first and then watch what he does (Malachi 3). I would call that “stepping into the river,” not “putting out the fleece.”