Overcoming Depression (Part Six): Nervousness

“I worry a lot, but that’s not a sin, right?”

How would you answer that question? It was put to me by a Christian lady who had so many other struggles that her depression and worry seemed almost innocent. But is nervousness a victimless crime? Isn’t it kind of like having a stuffy nose?

As I have pointed out in other articles in this series, the feelings of depression are never sinful. They may come from something bodily like caffeine, fatigue or even serious illness (a prospect that can also dominate your thoughts if you are not careful). But we are not addressing the feelings themselves. We are addressing your response to those feelings. This woman’s worry was having a substantial impact on the others in her home. Her family was missing out on the loving care she could have given had she not spent so much time spreading her anxiety around the house.

Set aside for now the serious physical effects (digestive ailments and spikes in blood pressure to name two) that result from chronic anxiety. The bigger question—at least for a Christian—is: What impact does this have on my relationships and responsibilities?

The feeling of nervousness and distraction can look different in different people. For instance, in some people it almost seems like an attack from outside themselves. They feel agitated and cannot explain it. Still others have a specific object to their anxiety. Relationships, finances, coming events or re-playing past events dominate the thoughts.

Either way the nervous feelings sometimes associated with depression—even if they come from identifiable physical causes like caffeine or fatigue—usually keep you from the kind of neighbor loving that pleases God.

It is not difficult to find a biblical description of a symptom associated with depression that we all recognize in ourselves and others. Jesus described it this way in His clearest message about worry or anxiety:

For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, “What will we eat?” or “What will we drink?” or “What will we wear for clothing?” For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34, NASB

So ask yourself some questions:

·       What do my anxious thoughts say about the way I think God cares for me?

·       Am I thinking true thoughts or are the voices of my nerves shouting louder than God’s word?

·       What is God trying to do in the midst of this?

·       What other people are being kept from service I could give them because of my anxiety?

Are you are nervous and distracted?

1.     Maybe you need to retrain your thinking (Colossians 3:2). It could be that you have actually created the problem that controls your thoughts. Write down some of the Scripture texts found in this study and review them every day. The next time these feelings begin to creep into your thoughts you will have true thoughts to call to mind.

2.     Maybe you need to find an other-focused mission to occupy your thoughts (Mark 10:45; Philippians 2:1-11). The remedy for anxiety is found in obeying the two greatest commands. Write down ten tangible ways you can exert yourself to serve others in your life (e.g., writing encouraging notes, doing extra chores to lighten the load of another, asking questions and listening to others without complaining about your life). Start at home. Get to work on it.

Ten articles in this series:

1  2  3  4  5  7  8  9  10

Overcoming Fear

“It was a beautiful day on the beach, but you couldn’t be there because of embarrassing toe fungus.”

What do the advertisers of that product know about us that would motivate them to put a commercial together that way? We are afraid. We fear the opinions of others. We fear weakness. We fear vulnerability. We fear pain. We fear death.

I took a thoughtful look at today’s news headlines and advertisements and assessed how many of them play on our fear of economic loss, fear of sickness and death or fear of man. Just a scan of the big news outlets this morning produced these potential fears:

• “This is the food that heart attacks are made of.”
• “Doctor on Swine Flu: Be Alert, Get Vaccinated”
• Fashion errors can get women passed over for job promotions.
• “Durable goods orders tumbled in June”
• We have had no hurricanes yet this season, but the worst-ever hurricane season started this way.

David may have been sitting on his porch watching a storm blow in from the Mediterranean when he penned Psalm 29:

¹Ascribe to the LORD, O sons of the mighty,
Ascribe to the LORD glory and strength.
²Ascribe to the LORD the glory due to His name;
Worship the LORD in holy array.
³The voice of the LORD is upon the waters;
The God of glory thunders,
The LORD is over many waters.
⁴The voice of the LORD is powerful,
The voice of the LORD is majestic.
⁵The voice of the LORD breaks the cedars;
Yes, the LORD breaks in pieces the cedars of Lebanon.
⁶He makes Lebanon skip like a calf,
And Sirion like a young wild ox.
⁷The voice of the LORD hews out flames of fire.
⁸The voice of the LORD shakes the wilderness;
The LORD shakes the wilderness of Kadesh.
⁹The voice of the LORD makes the deer to calve
And strips the forests bare;
And in His temple everything says, "Glory!"
¹⁰The LORD sat as King at the flood;
Yes, the LORD sits as King forever.
¹¹The LORD will give strength to His people;
The LORD will bless His people with peace.

This is personal because I am working with a child in my own home who has developed an inordinate fear of lightning (and, hence, the outdoors). My wife wisely told me not to jump all over the issue with a little person. I realize that I may be demonstrating more fear (What will people think if the pastor’s kid has panic attacks?) of what might happen if my child persists in fear than my child is showing toward lightning. Specks and planks.

I will be gentle with the child, but fear is a serious sin. It becomes life-dominating. When I live in fear I rob God of His glory. Here are some examples:

• When I am afraid of bad weather I miss the chance to delight in the power God displays in nature.
• When I am afraid of what others think of me I ignore what God’s opinion is and what changes He wants to make in me.
• When I am afraid of sickness I not only risk making myself sicker from worry, I also ignore the fact that God might want to show His power in my weakness.
• When fear of losing my investments or other economic security consumes me, I reveal a heart that finds its security in a substitute savior.

Look at the text of Psalm 29. After the description of a loud storm that tears down trees, starts fires, throws pregnant forest mothers into labor and brings floods, the heavenly (I take it as heaven’s temple) audience shouts “Glory!” What a contrast. The crowd in the presence of the King gets to see every event on earth from God’s perspective (see Revelation 19:1-4). Talk about a big-screen, multi-media adventure! How can you have two individuals looking at the same event with one paralyzed in fear and the other energized in worship? Perspective.

Our problem is that we look at the things we fear as threats to our peace when we should be looking at them as displays of the glory of God. That is why the Christmas shepherds who feared an angelic appearance and twelve panicked disciples in a storm-tossed boat could go from terror to worship. They saw the King.

When you get to the end of the psalm you see where you need to be if you are prone to fear. You need to see that “the LORD sits as King forever.” His subjects go to Him for strength and peace.

Practically speaking, there is some homework you should do if you are prone to fear’s paralysis:

1. Make a list of the good (God-pleasing) activities you are avoiding because you are afraid. Be thorough. The size of the list may surprise you.
2. See your fear for what it is and confess it as an attempt at preserving self instead of glorifying God. It is a serving-two-masters matter. Repentance is in order.
3. Memorize Psalm 29:9-11 (or others: Psalm 23:5; 27:1; 34:9-10, 19; Proverbs 21:1; Matthew 10:28; 2 Corinthians 1:8-10; Hebrews 13:6; 2 Peter 2:9) and call the text to mind when you feel fear taking control.
4. Do what someone who trusts God would do in the fearful circumstance. This is not being fake. It is practicing trust. It is the fruit of repentance. For example:

• When you least feel like being around other people (work, church, small group fellowship), step into that situation and find a way to serve them. Stop living a life that is controlled by feelings. You will find the “glory” in the storm.
• When you are troubled by that person whose presence is intimidating or whose strong personality changes the way you talk or act or dress, remind yourself whom you should be seeking to glorify.
• When the doctor says you have a deadly disease or the meteorologist says there is a devastating storm headed your way, remember the inhabitants of heaven are shouting, “Glory!” and echo heaven’s song.

"Let the thrill go—let it die away."

I am adapting this entry from my comments on a chapter in C. S. Lewis's Mere Christianity entitled "Christian Marriage." It is from a note I sent to our college-age young people in another blog (that you probably do not read). It primarily surrounds the urging of the unmarried (at that time) Lewis to contrast loving with being in love. The quote in the title above forms the basis for my comments.

First, by this statement Lewis combats “shacking up” and other forms of intentionally arousing sexual passion in someone to whom you are not married. People who believe they are “in love” may set aside responsibility because the feelings of being in love are so intense. People who love their boyfriend or girlfriend rather than being in love with them know that stirring passions that cannot be satisfied righteously is unloving. They should “let the thrill go” because they are dooming the future of something God created to be enjoyed in its proper context to a guilty pleasure. Lewis effectively illustrates with food. When we want the thrill without the responsibility, we are like bulimics who binge and purge to avoid the natural consequences of overeating. Sexual experimentation outside marriage is relational bulemia. It makes the “feast” of marriage a guilty pleasure instead of a motivation to bless the Lord who gave it to us.

Next, by this statement Lewis combats the divorce problem. The biblical teaching on marriage is not first and foremost good because it helps marriage. It is good because it is marriage that helps us see the relationship God has with his people. God is not “in love” with us. He loves us. And it is not being in love with someone that prepares you for the commitment required for a 50-year (lifetime) marriage. It is loving someone even when the original feeling has waned. Loving someone makes you to keep the contract and, yes, even savor the sweetness of the contract. People who love each other can have productive disagreements because they quarrel with a resolution in mind rather the end of the relationship. The idea of going their separate ways is off the table because they honor the contract more than they honor the thrill. People who are merely in love quarrel selfishly, fearing the loss of the feeling and the person who brings it.

Finally, by this statement Lewis combats the controversy over biblical marital roles. It is not the thrill of being in love that makes a man love and lead his wife or moves a wife to joyfully follow her husband. Loving headship and joyful submission are not for the benefit of the male sex but for the stability of the world that is founded on the family order. The thrill that Lewis says needs to die rarely produces situations that require loving leadership or joyful submission (please read that twice). For example, that young man who is such a good leader in deciding which movie to attend on Friday night should also be evaluated by the way he acts when he is required to inconvenience himself to serve others. That picture of feminine charm may look good on your arm at the movie theater or at a concert but what is her attitude when it is her turn to deal with screaming babies in the church nursery? This is why I urge young believers to identify potential mates by observing them in situations that require unselfish service and even stressful problem-solving. He needs to show his love by humbly accepting the responsibility that comes with leadership. She needs to love by joyfully serving under the authority of another. Some couples get along great so long as there are dating diversions to keep them from addressing real life. Long-term relationships run in orderly ways that transcend difficult relational trials because more is at stake than the thrill.

Something More Important Than Avoiding Insanity

Noreen,

First, let me say that I was very sorry to hear about your mother’s passing. I know these past few months as your mother’s primary caregiver have been very hard. It surely is good to know that our God uses hard times in the process of making us more like his Son. He is in the business of doing what is for our good and his glory and he never makes mistakes.

To get right to the point, you tell me that after all those months in the tropical South surrounded by mosquitoes and the potential for malaria, you are still hearing the creatures at night. You cannot sleep. “They” will not go away. Trouble is, this is Wisconsin in the winter. We both know there is no way you are hearing mosquitoes in your room. You have asked me for help because you think you are going crazy after all the trauma with your mother. You say you wonder if you need some sort of medication. You have essentially said you would do whatever it takes to stop the buzzing.

First, let me assure you that I do not think you are going crazy. Unfortunately I also cannot tell you why you are hearing mosquitoes at night. I am not sure you could find anyone anywhere who could give you a definitive, authoritative answer as to why people hear things that do not exist. Take, heart, though. As hard as it may seem, there are more important issues at hand than stopping that horrible noise.

If I did not think you were a follower of Christ my counsel would be evangelistic, but since you do love my Savior I can offer this: You exist for him. He alone has the absolute right to rule you and make you what he wants (Daniel 4:35; Romans 9:19-21). Because he is God he never makes mistakes. Because he is God he is never unkind. Do you believe this?

If so, let me ask the hard questions. What if the mosquito noises never go away? Can you still glorify our great God? What if you have to live out your days with some other illness? Is God still just as good and worthy of worship when he chooses to send hard times that make you like his Son? This is my point. Your passion to please God must be greater than your passion to make the mosquitoes go away.

Here are the words of Paul to the Philippians:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Philippians 4:4-8

Here is some homework to work on until the two of us can get together with my counseling apprentice:

1. Find delight where you were intended to find delight. Using Scripture, make a list of ten good things God has confirmed about himself through the hard times at the end of your mother’s life. Be specific. Spend time before you go to bed for the next ten nights praising him for each of those gifts.
2. Replace worried and anxious thoughts with true thoughts. Put Philippians 4:8 on a note card and memorize it. Quote that verse out loud whenever you hear the buzzing. Keep a journal of your thoughts each time you do this.
3. Find ways to begin loving others in tangible ways. Re-establish your service with the children’s ministry at church. Ask Mary Jones how you can make her job as preschool Sunday School teacher easier each week. Since you are single and not working right now, call the local pregnancy care center and ask to be put on the volunteer list and agree to pray for specific client needs as you are notified. The more you spend yourself for others the more your own troubles pale.

Be assured that I am praying for you in this. Let’s both ask God to take this away, but also ask him to do his perfecting work in you first.

Pro-Life Emotions vs. Biblical Reasoning

On this the 35th anniversary of the Supreme Court's Roe v. Wade decision (January 22, 1973), I seek to write a blog entry that is biblically reasoned rather than emotionally charged. Presidential candidates from both parties are well aware that opinion polls can be swayed by a brief tirade during a presidential debate or by pithy soundbites that catch on in the media. An intelligent friend recently told me she would have a hard time voting for a guy with the name "Mitt." Trouble is, the same people who decided for you on a whim will decide against you when their mood ring changes color.

We pro-lifers are justly emotional when we consider what is at stake when a young woman chooses abortion. That's a baby! That's a vulnerable woman being pushed into a decision that will cause her to live with the equally unbearable baggage of a troubled or seared conscience. That's a barbaric procedure that is permitted in this land largely because cowards who know better are more interested in getting the feminist vote than in doing what is right.

But that is about as far as my emoting will go in this entry. You let that stuff go and people start thinking our hands are tied and we should do what we can to put an end to this unseen holocaust—lawfully or otherwise. After all, isn't an educated abortion provider more deserving of a fatal attack than an ignorant terrorist deceived into thinking his actions will bring him into the presence of 70 virgins?

Let me reframe the question before you answer that. Wouldn't we save a lot of tax dollars if we eliminated the court system and police forces and instead used the money to arm neighborhood militias?

Here's the point. There is no question that neighborhood militias could eliminate a lot of bad guys. But that is the kind of justice they have in Mogadishu. That is also the kind of justice which creates an atmosphere that makes churches and crisis pregnancy centers vulnerable to crazies who think they are above the law.

God designed a better way of dealing with evildoers. He gave governments the right to take life (Romans 13). He created an orderly pattern for governing a sin-cursed world that established guilt only on the testimony of two or three witnesses. The system isn't perfect, but it is still a human reflection of our orderly Creator.

Why do we find David on many occasions killing and plundering the enemies of Israel and on other occasions withholding his hand from real bad guys (1 Samuel 24-26)? The answer is not that complicated. David did a lot of killing, but he did it while he was either under authority or in authority (as king). Those who rebel against the law to kill, even while killing evildoers, are themselves evildoers.

Beware lest your emotions drive you to make choices you will later regret. That has happened too many times since 1973.