So many adjectives, so little opportunity to use them without sinning...

The Chronotype
28 S. Main St.
Rice Lake, WI 54868

Dear Editor:

I didn't want to write this letter. There are times when you have to allow obvious folly to show itself for what it is, as Proverbs says, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.” So when I heard that a handful of people from a Baptist church in Kansas showed up in Menomonie last week to increase the pain of an already tragic event, I groaned in disgust and figured everyone else did the same and we would leave it at that.

But then I heard honest people around town asking about Westboro Baptist Church and their hateful protests. “Is that really what you Baptists believe?” people wondered. I groaned again and realized that this time I have to follow the counsel of the next verse in Proverbs: “Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.”

The simple answer is "No." But let me expand on that a little bit.

Like many Christians, most Baptists are concerned about the current moral climate of our nation. In fact, you don't even have to be a Christian to say that. Where people like me part company with the protesters from that organization in Kansas is what we think should be done about it.

Most Christians who believe like I do think our message is powerful enough to change people without emotional manipulation. We don’t need to create persecution by picking fights nor do we need to create publicity by hurting people. The Christian gospel with its exclusive claims does not need our help to make it controversial.

I’ll use a metaphor from another tragedy that is fresh in our minds. If you know the 35W bridge has collapsed, it is not unloving to warn those who are speeding toward the danger to turn around. However, rather than standing by the highway mocking drivers as they plunge over the edge, we think it most loving to both warn of the danger and show them the safe way to cross.

Sincerely,
Steven L. Svendsen, Sr.
Rice Lake Baptist Church

You gotta love this.

"Let the thrill go—let it die away."

I am adapting this entry from my comments on a chapter in C. S. Lewis's Mere Christianity entitled "Christian Marriage." It is from a note I sent to our college-age young people in another blog (that you probably do not read). It primarily surrounds the urging of the unmarried (at that time) Lewis to contrast loving with being in love. The quote in the title above forms the basis for my comments.

First, by this statement Lewis combats “shacking up” and other forms of intentionally arousing sexual passion in someone to whom you are not married. People who believe they are “in love” may set aside responsibility because the feelings of being in love are so intense. People who love their boyfriend or girlfriend rather than being in love with them know that stirring passions that cannot be satisfied righteously is unloving. They should “let the thrill go” because they are dooming the future of something God created to be enjoyed in its proper context to a guilty pleasure. Lewis effectively illustrates with food. When we want the thrill without the responsibility, we are like bulimics who binge and purge to avoid the natural consequences of overeating. Sexual experimentation outside marriage is relational bulemia. It makes the “feast” of marriage a guilty pleasure instead of a motivation to bless the Lord who gave it to us.

Next, by this statement Lewis combats the divorce problem. The biblical teaching on marriage is not first and foremost good because it helps marriage. It is good because it is marriage that helps us see the relationship God has with his people. God is not “in love” with us. He loves us. And it is not being in love with someone that prepares you for the commitment required for a 50-year (lifetime) marriage. It is loving someone even when the original feeling has waned. Loving someone makes you to keep the contract and, yes, even savor the sweetness of the contract. People who love each other can have productive disagreements because they quarrel with a resolution in mind rather the end of the relationship. The idea of going their separate ways is off the table because they honor the contract more than they honor the thrill. People who are merely in love quarrel selfishly, fearing the loss of the feeling and the person who brings it.

Finally, by this statement Lewis combats the controversy over biblical marital roles. It is not the thrill of being in love that makes a man love and lead his wife or moves a wife to joyfully follow her husband. Loving headship and joyful submission are not for the benefit of the male sex but for the stability of the world that is founded on the family order. The thrill that Lewis says needs to die rarely produces situations that require loving leadership or joyful submission (please read that twice). For example, that young man who is such a good leader in deciding which movie to attend on Friday night should also be evaluated by the way he acts when he is required to inconvenience himself to serve others. That picture of feminine charm may look good on your arm at the movie theater or at a concert but what is her attitude when it is her turn to deal with screaming babies in the church nursery? This is why I urge young believers to identify potential mates by observing them in situations that require unselfish service and even stressful problem-solving. He needs to show his love by humbly accepting the responsibility that comes with leadership. She needs to love by joyfully serving under the authority of another. Some couples get along great so long as there are dating diversions to keep them from addressing real life. Long-term relationships run in orderly ways that transcend difficult relational trials because more is at stake than the thrill.

Something More Important Than Avoiding Insanity

Noreen,

First, let me say that I was very sorry to hear about your mother’s passing. I know these past few months as your mother’s primary caregiver have been very hard. It surely is good to know that our God uses hard times in the process of making us more like his Son. He is in the business of doing what is for our good and his glory and he never makes mistakes.

To get right to the point, you tell me that after all those months in the tropical South surrounded by mosquitoes and the potential for malaria, you are still hearing the creatures at night. You cannot sleep. “They” will not go away. Trouble is, this is Wisconsin in the winter. We both know there is no way you are hearing mosquitoes in your room. You have asked me for help because you think you are going crazy after all the trauma with your mother. You say you wonder if you need some sort of medication. You have essentially said you would do whatever it takes to stop the buzzing.

First, let me assure you that I do not think you are going crazy. Unfortunately I also cannot tell you why you are hearing mosquitoes at night. I am not sure you could find anyone anywhere who could give you a definitive, authoritative answer as to why people hear things that do not exist. Take, heart, though. As hard as it may seem, there are more important issues at hand than stopping that horrible noise.

If I did not think you were a follower of Christ my counsel would be evangelistic, but since you do love my Savior I can offer this: You exist for him. He alone has the absolute right to rule you and make you what he wants (Daniel 4:35; Romans 9:19-21). Because he is God he never makes mistakes. Because he is God he is never unkind. Do you believe this?

If so, let me ask the hard questions. What if the mosquito noises never go away? Can you still glorify our great God? What if you have to live out your days with some other illness? Is God still just as good and worthy of worship when he chooses to send hard times that make you like his Son? This is my point. Your passion to please God must be greater than your passion to make the mosquitoes go away.

Here are the words of Paul to the Philippians:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Philippians 4:4-8

Here is some homework to work on until the two of us can get together with my counseling apprentice:

1. Find delight where you were intended to find delight. Using Scripture, make a list of ten good things God has confirmed about himself through the hard times at the end of your mother’s life. Be specific. Spend time before you go to bed for the next ten nights praising him for each of those gifts.
2. Replace worried and anxious thoughts with true thoughts. Put Philippians 4:8 on a note card and memorize it. Quote that verse out loud whenever you hear the buzzing. Keep a journal of your thoughts each time you do this.
3. Find ways to begin loving others in tangible ways. Re-establish your service with the children’s ministry at church. Ask Mary Jones how you can make her job as preschool Sunday School teacher easier each week. Since you are single and not working right now, call the local pregnancy care center and ask to be put on the volunteer list and agree to pray for specific client needs as you are notified. The more you spend yourself for others the more your own troubles pale.

Be assured that I am praying for you in this. Let’s both ask God to take this away, but also ask him to do his perfecting work in you first.

Letter to a Young Single Man

Lanny:

I have been thinking about you and putting myself in your shoes. You need to know how similar our backgrounds and personalities are. There is hope in learning your problem is a sin identified in the Bible because then you have a solution. Jesus died to rescue us from sin. I do think the primary reason for the conflict with your parents and depression is because of your undisciplined personal life. God designed you with a conscience in your soul that works like the nerves in your body. There is a warning signal when things are not right.

It is this idea of discipline that I want to address with you. Generally speaking, this is the time of your life that you become what you will be for the rest of your life. That is why the way you respond to the biblical counsel you get now is vital.

I know all too well that sexual temptation is intense when a man is 19. I want to help you fight that battle. I think the combination of unfulfilled desires and a lot of disposable time is dangerous. The abundance of impure images available to your eyes or already in your mind are like gas on the fire.

Paul warned Timothy: “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” He also said, “train yourself to be godly.”

In those areas where you have behaved sinfully you need to humbly repent before God and those you have wronged. Then you need to establish some good habits to keep you from going back down the same road. Paul calls it "putting off" and "putting on." Would you consider a challenge to let me help you set some goals during this year you are taking off of school?

Some ideas to consider:

1. Beyond your regular (and indispensable) devotional time, develop a list of Christian non-fiction books you know would be a challenge to read, but also good for you. Set aside twenty minutes each day (even during lunch breaks) to work that goal. It might even make people ask questions if you are reading a Christian book. I recommend you start with Desiring God by John Piper and Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot.
2. Talk to your pastor about finding a place of ministry at your church to pour many hours into (college ministry, teaching kids, doing research for your pastor, starting something new or making something old better). Whether you realize it or not, you have a lot of valuable time on your hands because you are single and not in school. To use it for selfish ends primarily playing video games or watching movies is a tragic waste of a precious gift God gave you. Jesus died to rescue us from selfish living.
3. Develop goals for your money (like saving for a house or land) and get yourself on a disciplined budget. My forced savings plan I started when I was in my twenties is why my wife and I were able to come up with a significant down payment for our house.
4. Find recreation that requires something of you. When it does not consume you, recreation can be productive. I have observed that men who are passive in their free time are typically passive with the rest of their lives. Working hard is good, but so is playing hard. Hunting, fishing, running, weight lifting, and making things with your hands are worthy things to keep you engaged during free time.
5. Make out 3x5 cards with Scripture verses pertinent to your current temptations. Take a few minutes every day to review them all. You will be surprised how quickly you start calling to mind what God says when you need it most. Start with 1 Corinthians 10:13, 31; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-12.
   

Every one of these pieces of homework could be simply an outward diversion unless they are driven by the highest motivation: a love for your Master. He is worthy of a disciplined life.