Which Dragon?

Bernice,

You came to me with some struggles you are having. The fact that you brought them to me lets me know you recognize that God's Word has answers for problems like yours. I see that as positive and can give you great hope for the struggles you are in.

Let me list back to you some of the information you gave me and then I will attempt to "connect the dots" biblically.

• You are having trouble letting go of the unbeliever you were dating.
• Your relationship with the unbeliever you were dating put you at odds with some other women in your apartment building and now you want to move.
• You are involved in a non-Christian singles group.
• You are having trouble paying your bills and have filed for bankruptcy.
• You bought a car on credit when you were already having trouble paying your bills.
• You owe money to a number of creditors, but you admitted to having $900 saved in a lockbox to enable you to move.
  

I realize you gave me a lot more information, including your chronic depression, but let's start with what we have. As I look over this list I see a common thread to which I need to alert you. Based on your response to the circumstances in your life I am guessing you have not considered what I'm about to tell you.

Let me start by pointing out that our trouble as sinners begins with our desires. It has been that way since the Garden of Eden. When I ask you questions about what you really want, you respond by telling me that you want to get out of debt, get away from the gossips in your building and find a husband. Not one of these desires is an evil in and of itself. No one likes debt, slanderers or loneliness. What I want to point out to you is that you want each of these things so badly that you are willing to sin in order to get them. They have become idols in your life. Please consider these thoughts:

• God's Word says, "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers," yet you persist in pursuing relationships with unbelieving men in unwholesome places even though your conscience troubles you about it.
• God's Word says, "The wicked borrow and do not repay," yet you are pursuing a legal status that will release you from your obligations to your creditors and permit you to continue spending what you do not have.
• God's Word says, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." Rather than seek forgiveness for the ways you have wronged the other ladies in your building or refusing to be bitter toward them for their wrongs, you have set aside money you could have used to pay your debts in hopes of escaping your problems in another apartment building.

Bernice, what dragon are we trying to slay here? You claim to be a disciple of Christ, so I am guessing the cause of your depression is your troubled conscience rather than something chemical or genetic as you have been told.

The problem is not debt and old biddies and loneliness. It is the heart of a woman who has deceived herself into thinking that material possessions and men can bring more satisfaction than living a life that pleases God. If this sounds like a serious accusation to you, let me assure you that it is. Your two masters hate each other. Even if a very nice man with lots of money came and paid your debts, married you and took you away to a nice house with lots of things, the dragon would remain. I am asking you to give serious consideration to your need to repent and plead with God for victory.

I think we can talk about learning to replace old, bad habits with new, godly habits and investigate practical ways of reducing debt, but right now I want you to see our great God. I want you to recognize that you will never be satisfied with any earthly joy as long as you think there are joys better than following God and letting him decide what you need to be happy.

I'm looking forward to our next conversation.

Should We Give Sinners Proof Texts or Unfold a Bigger Picture?

It is difficult when people reject the truth. You deliver God's word as clearly as you can and still people persist in their rebellion. You wonder if you used the right texts or presented them in the right way. This believer is frustrated because he is trying to biblically admonish a friend who is planning to marry an unbeliever and is not responding to the confrontation. His statement reveals his dilemma: "I have already taken him to several places in the Bible that have something to say about this, to no avail. I'm wondering if I'm missing something that I should be reminding him of."

Guido:

Thank you for taking on this ministry. This is the way things are supposed to work: people in the church counseling other people and repentance hopefully happening privately before the matter ever has to be spoken to someone else or brought before the church. Sadly, I already know the situation and know that your friend is not a church member. Our hands are somewhat tied.

My job is to equip you and others to do just what you are doing, so please do not hesitate to ask questions.

I will give you an Old Testament command and a narrative that both underlie the New Testament commands not to become yoked to unbelievers:

When the Lord your God brings you into the land that you are entering to take possession of it, and clears away many nations before you, the Hittites, the Girgashites, the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites, seven nations more numerous and mightier than yourselves, and when the Lord your God gives them over to you, and you defeat them, then you must devote them to complete destruction. You shall make no covenant with them and show no mercy to them. You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods. Then the anger of the Lord would be kindled against you, and he would destroy you quickly. Deut. 7:1-4 (ESV)

Now King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, f rom the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the people of Israel, "You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods." Solomon clung to these in love. He had 700 wives, princesses, and 300 concubines. And his wives turned away his heart. For when Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and after Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. So Solomon did what was evil in the sight of the Lord and did not wholly follow the Lord, as David his father had done. Then Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the abomination of Moab, and for Molech the abomination of the Ammonites, on the mountain east of Jerusalem. And so he did for all his foreign wives, who made offerings and sacrificed to their gods. And the Lord was angry with Solomon, because his heart had turned away from the Lord, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice and had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods. But he did not keep what the Lord commanded. Therefore the Lord said to Solomon, "Since this has been your practice and you have not kept my covenant and my statutes that I have commanded you, I will surely tear the kingdom from you and will give it to your servant. Yet for the sake of David your father I will not do it in your days, but I will tear it out of the hand of your son. However, I will not tear away all the kingdom, but I will give one tribe to your son, for the sake of David my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem that I have chosen." 1 Kings 11:1-13 (ESV)

See also the life of Samson. The big issue, however, is not specific “proof texts,” but where your friend’s desires lie. This is less a matter of following biblical commands than it is a matter of a having a heart wants to follow biblical commands. What does he think he must have?

• A life that loves and glorifies the Savior?
• A trophy girl on his arm?
• A good time?
• Female attention?
• Sexual gratification?
  

Answer those questions and you will see the altar at which he worships. Why would a believer want to date an unbeliever? What fellowship does light have with darkness? Can he glorify God in the relationship? Assuming he understands that romantic male-female relationships lead to (pardon my bluntness) either married or unmarried sexual relationships, there are only a few options on this road:

• He is going to marry someone who absolutely cannot be God’s kind of wife and invite much long-term misery.
• He is going to become sexually immoral and invite much long-term misery.
• He is going to stir sexual feelings in a woman and in himself that cannot be satisfied in a holy way. He will then be stealing (“defrauding”) what belongs to God and her future husband.
  

Which one is he going to choose? Proverbs 13:15 says, “The way of the transgressor is hard.” Your friend is already miserable if he is a believer. Ask him why. Point out that the happiness he is seeking is only found in one place (and that place is not finding a girl).

Let me encourage you not to be afraid of making him angry. Love him enough to call him on his inconsistent claim to worship Jesus Christ and yet live apart from accountability to his church and obedience to his word. He needs to make a choice.

If he chooses to reject biblical counsel, you have fulfilled your responsibility. As much as it hurts to see people reject God’s word, it hurts far more to avoid confrontation and have an uneasy conscience because you did not give someone God’s word. Leave the door open, but make sure he knows that he cannot wean himself off of idols and onto Jesus. You have to cut idols down and run to Jesus for mercy.

Keep me posted.